Thoughts on loss

Well, dear blog readers, by now a fair number of you (mostly family :o]) know about the recent miscarriage. I don't know why I'm putting this on my blog today because it IS such a personal topic, but I guess I felt like putting down in writing a little of what's been helping us deal.

First of all, God's grace has been evident through this whole process. I started having complications at work. My coworkers (when they noticed that I wasn't myself) wheeled me down to the ER and took over my patients on top of theirs without batting an eyelash. My supervisor came to the ER when she found out so that I could have someone in the room with me until Mike got there. When it came time for the D&C, the OR staff and docs were great. (It helps to personally know the people responsible for your procedure, too.) They were so supportive of us.

I can't imagine having gone through this without Mike; he's been the most wonderful support a woman could ever need. He skipped class and spent two nights (until 1:30 in the morning) in the ER/hospital with me. He listened while I talked through what I felt about what happened. Most of all, though, he reminded me of what's important.

He reminded me that while it's easy to feel like a failure as a woman and a mom; while it's easy to be discouraged and to think that parenthood isn't really going to happen for us; while it's easy to be suddenly emotional and teary-eyed at the drop of a hat; the important thing is to keep in mind that our child (as a covenant child) has no less share in Christ and in glory than we do. We cling to Christ through this, and trust that when we reach glory, we will see our baby transformed into not a mere bunch of cells, but a perfectly glorified body. He/she will be worshipping God in eternity with us. And to boot, the baby does not have to go through the sufferings of this life to get there.

I was talking yesterday with the wife of one of Mike's professors. She had an interesting point to make: while we don't want people to know the hardships that are going on in our lives, do we refrain from sharing information in order for people to pray because we're afraid of the gossip?

I don't know whether there's anything right or wrong with waiting to tell people that we were expecting, but our miscarriage experience has definitely made us think initially that it's wiser to wait. Sometimes people say something lame or hurtful when they hear about the situation when they just don't know what else to say. On the other hand, this lady brought to my attention that when you have a miscarriage, people are going to find out anyway that you were expecting. I know most people wait to tell folks until near the end of the first trimester, but is it pride that keeps us from letting people know until it's "safe?" Should we have let people know sooner so that they could have been praying for this little life? Was it sinful pride, or the desire for self-preservation that kept us from telling anyone? I can honestly say that after the fact, I'm glad we didn't tell more people than we did, but again, is that pride? Praying for our baby may not have changed the outcome; after all, God is not a vending machine. That being said, there is something comforting in knowing that others are praying for your health and that of the life within.

Anyway, I don't believe that there is necessarily a right/wrong answer to these scenarios. The bottom line is that while it hurts to lose a loved one, we are glad that the Lord saw fit to make us parents of this child, even for such a brief time. May he be glorified through this situation.