How to Creep Out Your Nurse

Well, dear blog readers, I have a few things to say about being a NICU nurse. You know how you can be among your friends, say something completely dumb, and everyone laughs? Well, don't think the same humor always works on your nurse.

For example, don't make inappropriate comments about touching another woman's butt (while changing your baby's diaper) with your wife standing right there. People who know you might be amused, but we don't know you from Joe Shmoe and it usually doesn't strike us as funny.

It strikes us as even LESS funny if you sit down with a notebook and pen, and proceed to ask the name of every nurse who walks into the room, even if they aren't taking care of your baby. And what REALLY gets us suspicious of you is when you use that little notebook to write down who is on the computer and for what amount of time. MOST of us use the computer for charting purposes or for looking up various diseases/conditions/medical facilities, etc. (OK, so at night when the babes are sleeping and the lights are out, we blog, but you aren't here and so what you don't know won't hurt you.) Seriously, though, we have monitors and eyes on your baby, and if something were to happen, we'd come running. So get your nose out of your notebook and stop telling us what we're doing wrong. (Or rather, what YOU think we're doing wrong.) This makes us think not only are you creepy, but you have NO sense of humor and really aren't funny period.

And don't joke about breastfeeding if you are the dad at the bedside, especially when it's not in reference to your wife but someone else. Seriously. What are we, in junior high again?

And don't mouth off to the docs. If you think your kid will survive at home, then sign out AMA and leave. And don't blame us for what happens if you think you can do a better job than we can.

There. I said it. I realize that most of the people reading this blog have either never had a baby in the NICU or have been grateful for the care that you did receive, so this doesn't really pertain to you. But if this ever happens to you, please be respectful of those of us who actually do care about your child and try to do a good job taking care of them! It makes our day to be appreciated.

Happy reading, especially to my night shift blog-lurkers!