Happy Holidays...Now get to work!

Hello, dear blog readers! Well, as we say in the women's center, our work lives are either feast or famine. Frankly, this week, I'd rather be famine-ing. We were completely dead last week. Then we had a full moon. Then it snowed the night before last, and got to freezing (which is rare in Oregon--the snow, that is). All of these forces combine for "feasty" outcomes in L&D.

Pregnant? Sure, take a number! Have a comfy seat in the hallway while we try to find you a room. Oh, having pain, you say? Well, if you don't feel like you have to have a bowel movement, we don't have a room, but maybe we can give you some privacy by hiding you under the supervisor's desk for a while. It's a bit snug and might smell like shoes, but it beats delivering in the ER where the nurses and doctors can patch patients back together again, but are completely terrified of babies. In fact, if you DO feel like you have to have a bowel movement, don't go to the ER--they'll take you into the bathroom and you just might deliver in there because really what you're feeling is a baby.

Not really sure what you're feeling, but ready to be done being pregnant? Hey, come join us! The more, the merrier! You can commiserate with the actual laboring patients in the hallway and you might be able to huff and puff a little louder, get attention a little quicker, only to have us send you home a little sooner.

Hoping to get a post-partum nurse to come in? Well, when we have 12 patients apiece between moms and babies, you might need to send your slumbering spouse downstairs for that sandwich you're craving. Sorry, leaving a full unit of patients for that tasty morsel might just be construed by another patient as...well, patient abandonment.

All of the sarcasm is said while I sit here and laugh, of course. I'm not bitter about the job because, well, it pays the bills, and I'm thrilled to be able to pay the bills in this tough economy! No complaints there. And patients=job security. I just kinda wish they would come in nice even waves rather than all in one week about once a month or so.

Well, dear blog readers, it's back to bed for me! Thanks to mandatory call, I have six shifts scheduled for this week. If I disappear and don't blog for a while, you might find me actually hiding under the supervisor's desk. (Just kidding. No....Really...I mean, I am just kidding....Um....)